"what is anything?"

By freshouttatime
the weekend has just passed me by. On Saturday i stayed in worked on an essay and some application things. that evening i stayed in, me kian and a couple of his buddies had dinner at the cafeteria. nothing really notable, except the food is extremely greasy. sunday was our trip to Lake Eymir, I have some pics posted, but in a nutshell it was a well maintained park exclusively for ODTU personnel. It was there sitting around or walking around i started wondering what am i doing? What are we as people headed for? What am i heading towards? I was trying to live in the moment and enjoy the bright day and etc. but something felt amiss. When we returned i had dinner and read before i went to sleep. Today i went down to kizilay to take care of some finances, and as i was sitting on the dolmus drowning the outside world through my headphones i remembered what Mohamed (who came here last year) told me, ask yourself "What is anything?" It was such a Matrix-y/absurd moment, i was going downtown for mundane things, my stomach was empty, and i'm hearing the Quran. We continue towards our personal ends, yet so many personal and unique goals actually fits in a pattern. I shrugged it off and decided to find a camii because Duhr was awfully close. I made a little diagram in my detective book of where i had to go and i followed through with it. The original map i referred to was a tourist map and neglected to mention the 5 or 6 blocks between me and my destination thus confusing me. SubhanAllah however when i perceived the Camii,
the Adhan sounded off and again i just happened to wander to my destination. In the same exact fashion the other night, where i was reluctant to go to the Mosque, but i found myself already there. This is what i am questioning. Do we have absolute control? I can will certain things at certain points in time, but most of the time all the intricacies are taking care of themselves. SubhanAllah. An empty stomach makes you think different. It makes you desperate, making you want to find an answer right NOW. hmm.