friday morning feelings

By freshouttatime

shh! its really subtle. I couldn't almost tell, but in the moments where i'm in between life, i feel a void. A semi forgotten past. Of course i miss turkey, but this is coming from my current conidition, where i feel like i'm jumping back to march 07, as if nothings changed or improved on me. Almost as if i compartmentalized the last few months and put it on the top shelf for later review. I have a fear of being the same as before i left, and that's whats really grieving me.

I went back to working in photonics, and it seriously just Grossed me out. What am i doing? How can i be doing the same mundane work?

So let me identify some differences that i like to believe have occurred.

Now at the very least, i stay up after Fajr, reading, hw-ing, listening. I tried this during the summer, but it was sporadic. Alhamdulilah. So far so good.

I'm trying hard to be honest and not mean to people. Also trying to reconnect with people that i haven't seen in a while. This'll be an ongoing story. I am growing aware of unnecessary tension/borderline hostility within the group of people i call friends. Takes a step back from the lesson i learned that "take the good leave the bad, especially with people, or else things wont get done"

I'm trying to make a conscious effort to eat healthy, because i didn't do that towards the end of my sojourn. But basically just more fruits and fluids.

I feel a bit more relaxed about life, not that I have a clearer understanding of the future, but as Yasir manifested it in words to me yesterday, "not letting the fear of failure holding you back from doing things" really generic and cliche, but coming from that dude it holds tremendous weight.

This thread can only improve with pictures.

Afiyet Olsun!

Effendim?? is that even right?

P1000201 P1000367

pics courtesy of Sasha.

He will say: Ah, would that I had sent before me (some provision) for my life! 89:24